i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
