Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
