what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
