Did you just see the Batmobile???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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