he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
