sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
