One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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