they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
