Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
whose parrot is this?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
