i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
