drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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