if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
