I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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