is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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