That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
