3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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