a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
