Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
