The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
