we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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