you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
