So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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