i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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