Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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