Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I could fuck to npr.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
