I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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