Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
