Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
