no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
