Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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