i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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