is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
