you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
