There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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