He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
