I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
