I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
