I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her vagine was all disorganized.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
