Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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