Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
