I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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