first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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