Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
