I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
