She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
