i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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