We named our party play list daddy issues
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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