i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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