I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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