We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
