Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
