last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
