At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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