Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
