I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Those nachos came to me in a dream
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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