Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
