i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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