I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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