I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
