i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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