nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
