I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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