So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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