You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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