She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
