I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
