I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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