BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
