I got chris browned last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
