You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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