he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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