I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hippo gnu deer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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