so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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