Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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