The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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