after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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