happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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