between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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