Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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