You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
