i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
